6 Ways Sarcasm Is Hurting Your Relationships
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Is fraught with challenges in this fast-paced, technology-fueled world, but no matter how chaotic our schedules are or what obstacles life throws in our path, we all drop everything in the name of love. Because as John Lennon said, 'love is all you need.' But how you give and receive it is greatly influenced and shaped by one or two very important people in your life: your parents. In fact, Rebecca Bergen, Ph.D., licensed clinical psychologist and co-owner of in Chicago, told MyDomaine that our first experience with this emotion is with our parents, and those early years set the bar for how we see, give, and receive love, and what we want out of later in our lives. 'I do believe that how emotionally available our parents were influenced the type of attachment we formed with them,' she says. 'Attachment theory suggests that we create an internal working model of our parents that we later internalize as our own sense of self.
This attachment style also affects how we experience ourselves, and in turn how we are in relationships.' Ahead, Bergen explains how our childhood experiences provide a model for our adult relationships, what we can do to break a negative cycle, and how we can raise the next generation.
How Sarcasm Hurts Relationships
REBECCA BERGEN: I am going to focus on how our romantic relationships are influenced by our childhood experiences. Our parents' relationship is our first and most influential example of how to interact and communicate in a romantic relationship. The way in which love was shown between parents is influential on the child. Children will model and emulate the ways their parents show love to one another. Also, how love was expressed to the child is also significant. For example, love may be expressed with playfulness, hugs, words of admiration, affection reserved for birthdays and special occasions, or not at all. The ways in which anger and conflict were managed in our family of origin also play a large factor in how we communicate with adult romantic partners.
Constant Sarcasm In Relationship
6 Ways a Narcissist Can Hide in Plain Sight. The narcissistic parent won’t be content until he or she has shattered your reputation and your relationships with other relatives and anyone else. It is important that you give your spouse some time to think about the topic you want to talk about but this shouldn't be postponed for a long time. Mention you would like to have the discussion within 48 hours. Don't trap your spouse. If you have the conversation in the car or on an airplane, etc. You are trapping your spouse.
Whether or not a person tends to express their emotions more openly or tends to hold emotions in, especially negative emotions, oftentimes parallels how their parents communicated with each other and with the child. For example, conflict may be dealt with in the family by talking openly and assertively or by not talking about it and perhaps expressing the negative emotion in passive aggressive ways. RB: I believe they affect us in different ways. Same-sex parents serve as a model for our own behavior and opposite sex parents are projected into potential partners. This also works in reverse, in the sense that we may search for the opposite of a father who was stoic and uninvolved.
Another example, a person may be hyper vigilant to criticism and argue frequently with partners because their same-sex parent had difficulty advocating for themselves and became a 'doormat' in the relationship. We tend to want to emulate our parent's relationship when it is perceived as healthy and positive. RB: Change starts with self-awareness! Start to identify where patterns of communication, thoughts, and feelings originate. Reflect on your childhood and try to remember the patterns you had in interacting with your parents. How was love expressed? How was conflict dealt with?
How were negative emotions expressed or not expressed? Therapy is a great tool for this process. Problematic reactions and behaviors can oftentimes be traced to unhealthy parental interactions. External messages from our families about communication, self-worth, and a host of other issues become internalized and assimilated into our own thoughts.
A question I ask many of my clients is Whose voice is that? Your adult voice of what you think and believe, or does it come from somewhere or someone else? If one's parents are still living, we can also start to notice how we interact with our parents now, and then see how those patterns may be playing out in our romantic relationships.
After we become aware of our patterns, learning about other ways of interacting is key, and then applying those new ways is imperative. This part is difficult! It may help to work with a therapist either in couples therapy or individual therapy. RB: Groundbreaking research in the 1960s and 1970s by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth assisted in our understanding of attachment theory.
Since their work, many psychological researchers have examined the different ways secure and various forms of insecure attachments with our parents affect our attachment styles as adults. If parents showed love, responded to our needs, and validated our feelings, then we were more likely to develop a secure attachment style. We then seek out and desire that same attachment style as an adult.
However, as society adapts to these fresh avenues of contact, there are also ways new technology threatens to strip away important aspects of how people relate and connect on a personal level. This can be especially true in our most intimate.Here are three areas in which technology may negatively impact relationships: 1. IntimacyIntimate relationships often have their own challenges, and changing technologies can contribute even more to the of modern relationships. Sometimes, the ways people use technology can create problems between romantic partners, potentially stirring conflict and dissatisfaction in the relationship.A 2014 Pew Research Center poll indicated that one in four cell phone owners in a relationship or marriage found their partner too distracted by their cell phone.
Nearly 1 in 10 had argued with a partner about excessive time spent on the devices. The poll noted that many arguments between couples may have something to do with tech use, such as deciding when to use devices and when to abstain.
They also found that younger users were more likely to report both increased and enhanced closeness in their relationships as a result of technology. Technology is also changing some of the most intimate ways in which couples connect.
Why People Use Sarcasm
—sending someone text messages containing explicit content—has increased among adults since 2012, with one in five cell users having received a sext from someone they know—a one-third increase in four years. DistractionTechnology can be an effective distraction in the current moment, over a long period of time, and even in its absence. According to a 2015 poll of 453 adults across the United States, nearly half of all respondents reported being distracted by their phones in the presence of a romantic partner.Those moments spent focused on technology can quickly add up to a sizable portion of a person’s waking hours. The same allotment of time that just a few years ago might have been considered an online is now commonplace in smartphone use, especially among younger users. It represents a shift in how people spend their time and where they focus their energy.Technology can also be a distraction when it is not in use.
When briefly disconnected from their smartphones in a 2014 study, self-described heavy users indicated having higher levels than moderate users after just 10 minutes.